Since childhood we have been taught to look outside for solution to all our problems. We study everything but we don’t study about ourselves. Even scientist also does research to make our life easier and lead a happy life. We are also getting benefit out of it. For example to travel from one place to another place we have invented car, train, aircraft etc. To overcome heat we have invented fan, cooler and air conditioner.
We devote most of our energy to control or conquer the situation and circumstances in our favour. Same way when we are not happy, we try to find out the reasons for our unhappiness. Once we find the reasons we strive hard to overcome those challenges. If we can win over the situation, circumstances or persons; we feel happy. This kind of happiness is dependent happiness and can last for a short while only. But if we can’t overcome the challenges, we tend to blame circumstances, situation and other persons. Because since childhood we have learned from our political system and external environment to blame others when anything goes wrong.
There is nothing wrong in blaming and everyone is right according to their perception. But at the end of the day who is suffering? How many people or situations can you control? Can you have total control on outside people or situation? ‘The only person you can have total control is you, if you want’. But do you have? When we are looking out side, we are having a partial view of the complete picture or incident. We become very reactive.
When anything happens outside, at the same time something happens to us also and this something (reaction) is within us such as anger, frustration, depression etc. Let’s take an example that we face daily in our life, traffic jam. You want to reach to your destination in time but got stuck in a traffic jam. Most of us feel frustrated and angry as we are not able to reach in time. It’s the truth that you can not be in time to your office. Suppose you are to make a presentation when you reach your office. Will you be able to make a good presentation? You will be carrying all the anger & frustration with you. It’s going to affect your presentation. Instead of reactive you can be observant. That’s under your control. You can observe what’s happening in you and around you at the traffic signal. You can call your office to let them know that you will be late. You can observe the situation and other people around you, how they are reacting to the situation. We go to watch movies like ‘Traffic Signal’* by paying for the ticket; now you are watching a live movie with out a ticket. Next time when you get stuck in a traffic signal if you can practise what is mentioned above, you have already got more than enough value of your time spent in reading this article.
“I keep on thinking, why can’t my boss change for betterment. Why can’t my wife and children listen to me, and change for betterment? Why can’t my employees or subordinate be responsible and change according my ideas & situation?” In other word, I want to change everyone except me.
Whenever anything goes against our interest we feel unhappy as we are attached to our views and beliefs. We can’t bear any criticism and are not willing to accept that other may have different views. We devote most of our energy to change others or control others. There is nothing wrong in doing that and we get some result also. If someone does something wrong or speaks bad about us, we use all our effort to prove that he/she is wrong. We will fight; we will go to court and what not. Even we try to destroy others when it goes beyond our tolerance limit. But how many people can you change or control or destroy. You may have to spend more energy to change or control other. But if you look toward you, you will be spending time and energy to control one person only. That’s you. Which is better?
